1) What does Louis Hamilton have that England hasn't? A Maclaren
2) What's the difference between Louis Hamilton and England? Hamilton's going to Switzerland.
3) Apparently McClaren's going to the FA's Xmas fancy dress ball dressed as a pumpkin - he's hoping someone will turn him into a coach!
4) Oxo have released a new line today. The new cube is coloured white with a red cross and is called "the laughing stock"
5) England are to change their shirts, the three lions are to be replaced by three tampons to represent the worst period they have ever had.
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